*As you read this, I am attending a conference on "Moving From Controller to CFO". Um, assuming you are reading this on Friday between the hours of 8:30 and 4:30. WHATEVER. Don't get fussy on me. I tried to find a conference on "Moving from Controller to Cook on Crab Fishing Vessel", but...denied. Lame.
*I actually enjoy completing my CPE hours. Mostly because I feel wicked cool and downright FOXY in a room full of CPAs.
*BR's and my parents (My parents and BR's parents? Our parents? That makes it sounds like we're SIBLINGS. Oh, fuck it) have been married a total of 8 times. That we know of.
*BR doesn't know his dad. He left when BR was two and his sister was an infant.
*I like to tease him by bellowing, "Will has an attachment disorder!". It's funny because it's TRUE.
*BR is the only person I have ever met who can relate to my relationship with my family.
*I got TWO emails from PR/Marketing people this week asking me to review products on this blog. How do they decide who to email about this stuff? No, seriously. How?
*I have a weird habit of carrying a pen or highlighter everywhere I go when I'm at work. It's like they're my BINKY or something. I hold them in my hand during meetings. I carry them into the kitchen to get coffee. I even have to stop myself from carrying them INTO THE RESTROOM. What does it MEAN? (you: Will has an attachment disorder!)
*I used to date a guy who was addicted to chapstick. He kept tubes EVERYWHERE, including on top of the fridge and under his mattress. He would even cut a slit in the waistband of his boxers so he could keep a tube (OF CHAPSTICK! GOD!) in THERE.
*This is the first time I have scheduled a post to be published IN THE FUTURE. You are reading this FROM THE FUTURE! We shall call you...THE OCEANIC 6(ish).
Your Hero
The International Symbol for "Texas"
About Me
- Tess
- Tess is a recently divorced single mom living thousands of miles from her family and friends. So she's got that going for her, which is nice. Email her at trueishstory AT gmail DOT com.
49 comments:
MS. FOUND IN A BOTTLE. FROM THE FUTURE.
YOUR TIMEZONE IS SET WRONG.
END MESSAGE
My old college roommate was also addicted to chapstick. When we'd go out dancing she'd stick it it in her underwear. At the beach, in her bathing suit.
I used to carry a pen everywhere at work. I had a horrible habit of pointing it at my co-teacher when I was trying to make a point.
What *kind* of products do the PR people want you to review? That sounds wrong. What I mean is, I get hit up to review dairy-free stuff, what did they ask you about?
Also, HA! and I love LOST.
AHHHHH I haven't seen last night's episode yet.
And I'll see your attachment disorder and raise you a nasty case of fear of abandonment!
There is no way I could date a guy that kept "lip chap" (thank you Charm School: Flavor of Love girls) in his underwear. That would so be a deal breaker!
This is also why being a lawyer is awesome. I generally feel totally hot around other lawyers, which is nice in a city full of inordinately attractive people.
1) I, too, suddenly got a bunch of review emails this week.
2) I, neither, know why.
My parents have been married 5 times. That's just MY parents, not my husband's, who have only been married once and still are.
I got an email asking me to ANNOUNCE something for a company. I'm like, "Yeah, right, what do *I* get?" Sorry PR dude, I only do your job for you if you send me free shit.
Both my mom and dad were each married three times.
I'm addicted to Burt's Bees, but I'm relieved to say that I don't keep any in my underwear.
Since you're in the future, can you please let me know what the lotto numbers are? kthnx.
Hey, I used to date a chapstick addict too! He had it stashed everywhere.
I've said it before and I'll say it again - I love Fun Fact Friday.
That PR thing drives me nuts. Everyone knows that blogs are the hot "new" thing, and marketing people are all about trying to tap into it, but they don't have the first clue how. I've gotten several of those emails, none of them appearing to have read much of my blog, and none of them explaining why I should be selling out my blog content to shill their stuff. Nobody even offered an incentive. What are these people thinking?
My sister is addicted to that carmex(sp) stuff and it drives me nuts because she is always smearing it on. She probably has stashed everywhere too - weirdo's. Enjoy your day of being the HOT CPA!
Homer doesn't know his dad either. Or his mom, for that matter. They both abandoned him at a babysitter's house when he was two. I think it makes him a more dedicated parent.
I never feel wicked hot in anything to do with my job. I work amongst students who are younger, firmer and have more disposable income to by pretty things!
THE CHAPSTICK!!! I forgot about that!! I always thought that was so damn funny (and creative!)!!!!!
Please let me know if any of the accountants at your meeting have a fanny pack like the lawyer at my CLEs.
Chapstick in his underwear? That is a bit much. But possibly better than the CBU guy I went out with who didn't wear underwear at all. Ew.
I dated a guy in high school who was addicted to Carmex. He had tins EVERYWHERE. Ugh.
Have a great Memorial weekend!
The chapstick in the boxers thing weirds me out very much.
Chapstick in the boxers--very weird, like grounds for breaking up weird.
Also, controller and comptroller, are they related?
I can relate to the chapstick guy. While I don't keep it in my UNDERWEAR (it would get too soft! Duh!), I have one at my desk at work, one in my desk at home, one by my bed, one in the kitchen and one on my keychain. I prefer Chapstick brand vanilla mint flavor, thank you. If Chapstick would like to send me a case to review, I would be happy to do it.
i dated a guy who was addicted to dr pepper. so he had bottles of THAT everywhere. and he carried a 1-liter bottle around with him all day long, so he could take a swig every 6.8 seconds or so. except obviously this means the soda was WARM AND FLAT for the vast majority of these sips. it grossed me out SO MUCH. add in that i can't stand dr pepper as a drink to begin with, and... not good.
My husband's parents have both been married twice, so have his grandparents. My grandparents did things the old fashioned way - started to dislike each other, made each other's lives miserable, and stayed married hating each other for 70 years. Boy were family gatherings fun...
Hmm, between my husband and I, our collective parents have been married: 6 times. But with my MIL, you bet your buttons that number is gonna go up. (Shh. Don't tell her I said that.)
I'm with Maggie, my parents were miserable, so stayed married so my mom could be a martyar. (sorry mom, it's so true)
CHAP-Pantie guy is too wierd. Hope it's not BR in desguise. I've got no readers on my blog, (whiner, I know) so I don't have anyone askin if they can advertise on it. Loser.
I'll trade you your attachment disorder for an oral fixation any time.
(can't believe I said that one)
At work I usually have no pockets, so I wear a pen on a string around my neck. LAME! It's a fashionable string, but it's LAME! But handy.
I love Fun Fact Friday and I might steal it. You can read about it over here...www.runswithscissorsjackeeg.blogspot.com
I am horrified by the chap stick guy. Chap stick... in his boxers? Not OK.
Fun Fact about me:
Even though I know that both spellings are acceptable, I must spell it
C-O-M-P-T-R-O-L-L-E-R.
I miss that job title. No one knows what a comptroller does, but they think they should and shut their mouths. No dumb questions, it's awes.
HA HA HA!
I love the WHOLE THING here.
Both my spouse and I are addicted to lip balm. He goes for the candle-wax chapstick and I? I have 50 tubes Bonne Bell LIP SMACKERS around the house. (the balm, not the gel-like gloss.) No. shit.
*Will has an attachment disorder!* is the FUNNIEST thing ever. Yet ANOTHER thing I'm swiping from you.
So what is the deal with the dry yucky lips? The only time I ever have to use Chapstick is after snow skiing for obvious reasons.
So what is the deal with the dry yucky lips? The only time I ever have to use Chapstick is after snow skiing for obvious reasons.
Are we actually reading it from the past? Oh, never mind.
I also carry a pen everywhere at work. I developed a habit when I often found myself asking to borrow one.
I began doing it at home too, but it would fall out of my pocket my daughter would find it. I've cleaned ink stains out of brand new couches for the last time.
I too have lip balm addiction issues and have it in at least 4 rooms of my home at all times, but I have never destroyed my underwear to keep it THAT nearby! (I also have a thing with hand lotion. I guess all parts of my body must be moisturized at all times.)
I just need to announce to the PR world that I WILL TOTALLY PIMP YOUR PRODUCT JUST ASK. 'Cause nobody ever does.
Oh, and my (maternal) grandparents just got remarried in December. To each other. They divorced each other about 40 years ago.
You may be the single most annoying person on Planet Earth. You are the type of girl that most people avoid . . . because, while you may try REAL hard to hide it, you are in actuality a control-freak, nit-picking, health-obsessed dingbat that would prefer to tell other people how to live, talk, act, etc. In short, you are a modern American Fascist . . . smug and self-absorbed, convinced of your own basic infallibility, with your vomitous "seals-of-approval" . . . really, who gives a shit what you approve of? Who the fuck are you? This blog is evidence that blogging is for retards.
I dated a guy with a lip balm thing, too. his was Carmex, though.
Anonymous: WTF? Beat it, A-hole. No one invited you.
Hey, anonymous: You know when you said "really, who gives a shit what you approve of? Who the fuck are you?"? Right back atcha!
Tessie: I'm a little jealous that YOU were bestowed the title "single most annoying person on Planet Earth." Seriously. What about ME? I thought *I* held that title. Which explains my whole few friends thing. Oh, wait. That's actually probably MY attachment disorder.
Anonymous is a coward. Hence that title. GET OFF THIS BLOG MRSLASHMS. or State your name and risk the wrath.
People like anonymous are so very sad...
anonymous says . . . LOL! Look at all of you whiny dolls just lapping it all up like a gaggle of retards at a Timmy concert! Very, very amusing . . .
So, right back at me? So, I assume you mean that my stated opinion is worthy of the same criticism I gave Texie? Hardly . . . though we are all entitled to our opinions, and are certainly free to voice them through the medium of blogging, we must be prepared for the inevitable : criticism. I happen to think that Texie is a self-absorbed, vacuous nit. Instead of adding anything new or noteworthy to the world of conversation, she simple throws out empty, half-assed commentary on what she "approves" of. This is good? No . . . wait. Let me spell it for you . . . L.A.M.E.
ooh, i totally did/do the pen thing!! a therapist once told me that its like a 'safety behavior'- that when people feel anxious (usually in a social situation) they hold on to something to make them feel safer. but really its counterproductive because using safety behaviors makes you feel less safe. anyway dont know how much truth there is to that but just thought i'd mention it.
Hey, anon #1 (I'm going to be anon #2, mainly because I don't want your worthless self to visit my blog), I'm curious... if this blog is so annoying, empty, half-assed and LAME, then why do you keep coming back? Surely someone as "smug and self-absorbed, convinced of your own basic infallibility" (to use your own words) as you appear to be, would have something more worthwhile to do with your time? Or maybe you NEED someone to tell you how to "live, talk, act, etc."? The fact that you keep returning with a sad and pathetic need to see if there were any reactions to your opinion is very, very amusing...
I think since this is a so-called mommy-blog (though not your typical one), perhaps your animosity is rooted in your childhood. Did your mommy try to tell you how to "live, talk, act, etc."? And now you resent it? But you're too frightened to deal with your actual mommy, so you are drawn to places where mommies gather, and safely hidden behind anonymity, you say the things you wish you could say to YOUR mommy? Dude, get some therapy.
Man, I'm so glad I came back and read the anonymous comment. How fun... you have a hater! That's super cool. How do you coerce all your readers to come back again and again?
Anonymous, yes you have a right to your opinion. But do you think its well served on a personal blog of someone?
If "Texie" annoys you, there is always another place to go. Telling someone they are annoying in "thier" home, is kinda like pissing on someones couch.
If you find "Texie" annoying, dont come to her blog.
It really is pretty simple isnt it? Would you visit with someone at their house and call them annoying? Probably not. Because you dont have the option of being a total wuss bag and hide under the cover of "anonymous", which by the way makes you a complete and total pussy.
As for health obsessed, may I suggest you read her blogs on junk food lol. Her opinion on REAL ranch, her love of processed meat? Mixed with junk food?
"Texie" (which by the way, I love the nic) is OBV not health obsessed.
Are you by chance a small penised man who doesnt like a woman with an opinion? Especially one who has an education and (GASP), is actually pretty?
You dont need to answer the last question, because the answer to the affirmative is so obvious because you are so cowed by her. So cowed that you choose to use the ANON cover.
BTW? This goes out to "Texie". If you would like, publish this A-holes IP address, then we can dig up who he is. Apparently ANON is a fricken retard and doesnt realize that you are NEVER anonymous on the Internets! (then again, you may find that comment scary since BR may use that to prove we are all scary stalkers lol)
Okay okay okay. Everyone chill.
Guys, we all know that anonymous comments like these are totally out of line, but responding back in the exact same way is just as bad, ya know? Let's just be grownups and ignore it. Not everyone has to play by our rules and follow our standards of living. *Breathe*
oooh. I can't WAIT for tomorrow.
xo
I'm so totally jealous that you got a comment troll, Tes. You rock!
I have to ignore the anon thing, because, Tessie is loved by many and people are always jealous of that, so let's just chalk it up to jealousy. Also, I do believe all successful bloggers have trolls, so really, this is just more proof of success.
Anyhoo, I also carry a pen everywhere I go, but not a highlighter. I always have highlighters in my office, but I find I have absolutely positively no use for them any longer. Those days of highlighting every damn thing in a text book are over. I was out of control with those highlighters anyway, it's for the best really.
I carry a pencil everywhere, and my water cup, total binky habits! And that guy was TOTALLY adicted to chapstick, I think he even put it on during my wedding (while standing in front of the congregation)!
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