Okay, so, when I went out for lunch I saw the actual daycare memo glaring at me from the passenger seat, and while I'm waiting to read more people guessing Swistle's real name, I may as well publish it for your entertainment:
Dear Parents,
Someone [?] once said, "Family isn't about who's [sic] blood you have. It's about who you care about [sicedy fucking SIC]" I believe that is true and I believe that when you enroll and attend an [Our Lady of the 3rd Grade Writing Level] Center that your family becomes a part of the [Our Lady of the 3rd Grade Writing Level] Family because we genuinely do care about each other. We all do our best to look out for each other and partner in this journey of life [seriously! hork!].
We have no greater responsibility in life than to care for and nurture the children that have been given to us as precious gifts. [Edited to remove TWO MORE PARAGRAPHS of this ass-kissy Precious Moments/Chicken Soup for the Overpriced Daycare Soul bullshit! Get to the goddamned point!]
Unlike most companies in our industry, we have never charged a meal fee of any kind [other than the THOUSAND DOLLARS PER MONTH] but we are forced now to reconsider that decision and charge a small fee as a result of our economy [DIE DUBYA!]. We had hoped to be able to continue to offer this as a free [except for the THOUSAND DOLLARS PER MONTH! The BALLS on these fuckers!] service to our customers [what happened to FAMILY?], but the rising costs of fuel have just made it impossible for us to continue to do so.
Beginning May 1st, we will charge a small fee for lunch and dinner. We will continue to comp [except for the THOUSAND DOLLARS PER MONTH] breakfast and all snacks at this time. The meal fee will be .75 [sic] for lunch and .75 [-edy SIC] for dinner. Please understand that our meals now cost us $3.25 a day per child [not my problem]. We are only asking parents to help us offset the rate increase; [sic] not cover the cost of the meal [except through the THOUSAND DOLLARS PER MONTH].
Thank you for understanding and for your continued support.
Sincerely,
[COO of the effing company]
*SIGH*
Also: *HULK SMASH!*
Your Hero
The International Symbol for "Texas"
About Me
- Tess
- Tess is a recently divorced single mom living thousands of miles from her family and friends. So she's got that going for her, which is nice. Email her at trueishstory AT gmail DOT com.
34 comments:
Are YOU serious? What exactly is your $1000 a month going for? I actually was expecting that you were going to say they raised the $1000 a couple of hundred, so I guess $1.50 a day isn't so bad, but it's the principle of the whole tuition thing!
I know! It's not the price increase or the $1.50 or whatever that irks me, it's the fact that they keep trying to imply that we've gotten the food FOR FREE up to this point! NOT SO MUCH!
I don't have kids or anything but I think I'd be more ok with it if they were just up front and not all kissy-face with it...just say tuition (or whatever they call it) is going up by 30 dollars a month (I guesstimate $1.50 a day times about 20 days a month) due to rising costs out of their control.
Also, is this is a required fee or optional? And is this one of those 24hour daycares? Why would one need their kid to eat dinner at daycare? Also, for $1000 (+approximately $30) shouldn't AD get her doctorate or something by the time she is going to kindergarten? That is more expensive than my college tuition was. Ahh..sooo many questions.
The fee is required, if your child eats at the daycare center, which they all do since you are not allowed to bring in outside food.
They provide dinner since they're open 6 am to 8:30 pm, and some kids ARE there that late (although not many). I usually pick AD up by 5, so I'm thinking we wouldn't have to pay the dinner fee.
Good Lordy, I thought you said Texas was cheap. And really. The touchy-feely crap has gots to go. This is a business arrangement. You can't mix terms like "family" and "tuition hike". (Ok, the tuition hike was my term, but still...)
You make me ever so grateful for my piddly $135 a week for two, (Count 'em TWO) kids. Also, GAH about the crappy grasp of the English Language. WHY? Uhhhh.
That's a lot of text for a .75 cent price hike. Perhaps someone should suggest to the center to be more concise with the news letters in the future.
Penny, I KNOW! The thing was a FULL PAGE LONG! And they didn't even GET to the increase in fee until the VERY LAST PARAGRAPH! ARGG!
That is hilarious. I can't believe it took them that long that to get to the point of the letter. I am with you on how its funny that they make it sound like the food has been free all along, yeah right!!!! Who are they trying to fool?
OK, I cannot stop laughing about your editorial comments. Or about the fact that it took them a page of that touchy-feely crapola to get to the freaking point already. I have to admit that the irritating letters from my kids' daycare are not quite THAT bad.
That is so awful. That is so awful. So awful!
It's like they seriously believe they are giving food to the children as a GIFT, rather than as part of the cost of daycare.
So awful!
Jesus Christ. Ridiculous. Sometimes your AD posts make me think "Oh kids, I could maybe do that." Both of today's posts are like "I'm way toooo big of a bitch for kids. This shit would drive me nuts."
Also, I have a cursing problem. My kids would be the ones all in trouble for saying shit and calling people sons of bitches. Like 3 year old mom, i.e. 3 year old me.
You know, the best would have been a half-page memo saying "Attention Parents: the monthly rate will be increasing by $15 as of May 2008." The stuff they think eases the pain actually makes people want to throttle them.
Um, if I ever got a memo with all that ass-kissy BS at the beginning from my kid's daycare, I would be SORELY tempted to withdraw the kid.
Too. Freaking. Funny. Your comments were hilarious!
Seriously though- $1000 a month?!? That's insane! And their lack of a grasp of the English language? I'd hope that part of the tuition went to pay for English classes for the teachers!
For a freaking GRAND a month for one kid, I'd sure as heck be expecting the all teachers and staff to have some sort of doctorates in early childhood. During the acquiring of said doctorates, I would also expect them to have acquired the ability to pull together a memo without patronizing mushy fluff and WITH proper sentence composition and punctuation. Geez.
This has got to be one of my favorite posts. Too funny. I think you should leave your revised copy outside the office.
My daughter's daycare is $1200 per month for just 4 days a week. And being that I live in Northern California that includes and organic breakfast and lunch as well as feeling like the daycare providers are family. Family that I pay a buttload for (sic, ending my sentence with a preposition).
Don't you hate being a modern parent sometimes???
Totally file that memo under what the fuckery. And you keep the bullshit daycare crap on the passenger's seat too! Score!
When Ducky was AD's age, I was paying $1185 a month. (more than our rent!) Which included SNACKS ONLY (but no drinks with said snacks). Now that she's almost 4 and potty trained, it's "only" $1050 a month. And now they give her 2 shitty cups of juice a day.
ALTHOUGH, we know have a monthly "Donuts & Joe for Parents on the Go". Hmmm. Nah,I could do that for less that $1050 a month.
That letter is insulting to your intelligence! Anyone who can string 2 words together knows that the economy is shit right now and OBV prices are rising for FOOD! Maybe you need to send them a 10-page letter that explains how much the price of gas is increasing to get AD to daycare so they should actually be REDUCING their monthly fee - you know, because that's what family does!
ARGHGHG!!!! Idiots.
At our daycare in NY, we used to get letters asking us to participate in fundraising activities so that they could provide better playground equipment or whatever. And then there was a certificate framed outside the director's door for running the "most profitable" daycare center for this chain in upstate NY. We never contributed a penny to the fundraisers. Take it out of your profits, lady! Bite me!!!!
Also, we used to keep a running list of the many different ways that "sandwich" was spelled on the daily report. It turns out you can get amazingly creative with just a two-syllable word.
Dude, enough with the gratuitous ass-kissing already! Why don't they just say, "Hey, this shit's expensive," and get on with it. I hate it when people over-justify...
Gah! How embarrassing that that went out! We just had a (grammatically correct) notice in Maggie's backpack that said (something like):"Thank you for choosing this daycare, following are the rate increases as of June 1, 2008."
The high cost of fuel? What--are they feeding them diesel soup?
Your comments are the best part of the memo - perhaps you should edit, reprint and distribute with them included? Also, $3.25 per child? That seems like too much. A PB&J (or cheese) sandwich plus a bag of crackers plus an apple (or some grapes) plus a juice box doesn't cost that much. If I can feed my kids for less than $3.25 per meal, you'd think a place that does it in bulk could. Who is in charge of their purchasing?
I have a history of correcting missives like that (with an obnoxious red pen) and returning them to the idiot teacher/institution.
You can imagine how well-liked I was but my inner glee and smugitude (not a word. should be.) was totally worth it.
haaaa. sicedy fucking sic. AWESOME.
the ass kissy shit would definitely piss me off, but it's the "who's" in the first line that would make me want to pull AD out from under their influence.
You can't bring in outside food, they charge you $1000 a month, and then they send out this?
GET OUT NOW. (Just kidding, I know how hard it is to find a good daycare.)
Your editorial comments were hilarious: "Our Lady of the Third Grade Reading Level" - hee!
(Actually, I just went to a seminar on writing in "Plain Language" for senior citizens (healthcare-related), and it's crazy how seemingly functional and highly respected adults in the community only read at a 2nd or 3rd grade reading level. SCARY.)
So what you are saying is that this place teaches your kid to say y'all and no one there understands grammar. Awesome!
Yeah, I'm not following how being a "family" has anything at all to do with whether or not they charge for meals. In fact, it negates their entire point. "FAMILIES" don't charge each other for meals!
I love this! It's like getting to laugh at Christmas cards in April!
I don't get why you can't bring your own food. Shouldn't that be an option? Isn't that always an option? The day care I worked at paid me $9 whole dollars an hour (with a degree in early childhood development) and the owners paid themselves close to six figures a year. SUCKED.
1) That's a lot of money.
2) Why do people who work with young children have such crappy writing skills? It's a generalization, but I know so many daycare workers and elementary teachers that cannot put together a basic sentence that I think it's a pretty accurate generalization.
3) Our daycare just sent us a note inviting us to come in on a Saturday to help with "Spring Cleaning." Admittedly, our daycare is a nonprofit but...cleaning? Isn't there staff for that?
I love it. Our daycare does the same -- charges an arm and a leg for tuition and we get meals for the BARGAIN price of $1.05 a day. WHY the $.05?? Because a nickel seems like a DEAL!
All the [SIC]-ing has me in stitches. Our daycare director is also a spelling moron.
HAAA!
AAAAHHAHAHAHAHA!!
[Our Lady of the Third Grade Writing Level] Oh my hell.
What the heck are they feeding the kids that costs that much....mine eats like a bird and is too busy, probably no more than $1 a day. For a grand a month they should be getting steaks. My daycare is much cheaper (155/wk) and we get to bring her own food. I am thankful for that. At least we can control what she is eating.
I agree with the other poster, reprint your version and hand out...what a RIOT!
The letter would also be great fodder for this poster http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
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