Hey, remember when I admitted that I had never been to a dry cleaners before? Well, scratch that pathetic milestone off the list! BR recently started a job which requires him to dress like a grown-up instead of someone trolling for a pick-up game of basketball, so we both made our inaugural trips this weekend. Okay, fine, I waited in the car. But still! I could SEE the transaction taking place through the window! I was there in spirit. Except that BR is the type of person who asks questions on the intricacies of the dry cleaning process and then follows up with an itemized list of his demands including how they can tweak their business model to meet his needs. Which obviously wouldn't have happened had I been there because he would have been too busy rushing me to the hospital after I died of humiliation. Whatever, just CROSS IT OFF, OKAY? I don't have time to quibble on the details. I'm not a quibbler.
Also, I learned about renting and using a carpet cleaner this weekend! It turns out that when a toddler projectile vomits it's not sufficient to just laugh heartily at the trials of life and wipe the carpet vigorously with an old dishtowel. Particularly when the keeper of the vomiting toddler, who was NOT ME, is so frozen with horror that he finds himself unable to make use of his considerable speed and leg turnover to ensure that the bulk of the vomit ends up on the hardwood floor and not in the one room in the house with CARPET.
AND, when you open the door the next morning and realize that your cleanup has been insufficient indeed, may I warn against the use of those scented rings that go on top of light bulbs to "freshen up" the room. CINNAMON is a particularly bad choice here. There's nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, quite like the aroma of cinnamon puke. Anyway, we considered a complete do-over in the form of ripping up the nasty carpet, but turns out the carpet cleaning thing worked out okay. TILL NEXT TIME. What would you say is the maximum number of barfing incidents one carpet can withstand? Let's say x is the cost of cleaning the carpet, y is the cost of removing the carpet and just putting a huge drain in the center like at the carwash, and z is the probability that our synapses will fire in time to get our future asses out of the room before it's sprayed completely with vomit.
Am I really closing with Cinnamon Puke? Looks that way, doesn't it?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
28 comments:
Okay, well let's first assume that with each instance of puking, the probability, z, that you get to her in time to prevent puke spatter on the carpet, increases. Let's also assume that removal and drain installment cost, y, is approximately... what? ten times? the cleaning cost, x. So if n is the number of puking incidents, then as n approaches infinity, z approaches 1. But z is completely irrelevant when it is NOT 1, because the result is either x or y in those cases. If z is 1, there is no need for the analysis of x and y, because there will never be puke on the carpet. But assuming, z will never actually BE 1, but will only approach it, we can say that for cost analysis purposes, if the expected number of barfing incidents is very low, say five to six or less, clean it. If the expected number of barfing incidents is high, remove it. The problem here is, of course, the number of vomiting episodes variable. It's hard to derive an expected number for that variable without first undertaking a statistical study of toddler puking habits.
JMC-That IS the problem, but I'm thinking that if anyone has stats on toddler puking habits it's someone with FOUR KIDS. Times some kind of multiplier for daycare plagues, of course.
Oh good - I was going to have you come down to New Braunfels for the day and accompany me to the dry cleaners. Now we'll have time for more drinkin', less cleanin'. ~Laura
Laura-Rock on, I love New Braunfels. Floating the river was one of the favorite passtimes of my misspent youth.
Our theory is: clean it until the kids are older, then rip it up. Of course, I'm referring to our nasty stairway/hall carpet that has been the recipient of only one puking so far. Cleaning puke off carpeted stairs?! Extra awesome.
Tessie, get youself some Resolve carpet cleaner spray. We use it every fucking day. It saves our marriage.
You know what especially sucks about drycleaners? They don't take credit card. It's check or cash only (at least it is at every drycleaners around here). Cash? Seriously? Do people still use that stuff?
Erin-CASH ONLY? What the...sounds like they're laundering more than CLOTHES there, if you know what I mean. It's like an episode of the Sopranos! Dry Cleaners are the new Bada Bing!
Oh yuck. You must be scarred for life with that mix of bad/good smells. What will you do when Christmas season draws nearer and the scent of cinnamon will pervade stores everywhere?
I second the Resolve Carpet Cleaner...works on most mysterious stains.
My only experience with cinnamon scented puke involved a bottle of cinnamon schnops and a slightly rowdy college party...but I would agree that it isn't a pleasant scent.
Another Not-A-Good-Idea-For-Vomiting Toddlers: Panicking that your child is going to die of malnutrition. Because this may cause you to think of feeding the child pudding "for the electrolytes". Chocolate pudding. Chocolate pudding barf is not only bad smelling AND staining, but will also put you off chocolate pudding for some years to come.
FYI
I'm ashamed to say that I was the keeper of the vomiting toddler in our house last barf-go-round and like BR, I also stood totally frozen on the spot and watched as the geyser spray from Zoe's mouth hosed down her entire carpet instead of aiming her output at any number of nearby hard wood floors/trash receptacles.
This stands to reason as I am also the lame-ass who, upon opening a bottle of shaken carbonated anything, will just run around like a headless chicken while the bubbles pour out instead of Just. Closing. The. Bottle.
Thinking clearly and quickly is not my strong suit.
We have had several throw pillows that have since left the premises due to multiple puke incidents. Cinnamon Puke. I am still laughing every time I think of how you said it.
I am going to confess here that not only am I the puke-panicker in our house, but I panic when I myself am puking and often don't, er, aim it in the most convenient direction. I HATE throwing up in all forms, my own or others.
When I got that inner ear virus while I was pregnant, and started barfing every time I so much as sat up? Well, you can just magine the joy that abounded in our house!
i can sympathize with the vomit but in our house it is ALL MINE. wait until you're holding a bucklet of it while you drive (HAHAHAHAHA). we're also going with the theory of spot clean until the kids are older and then ripping it right the hell out. but that still won't solve the problem of DOG VOMIT
Oh my! Sounds like my house only funnier. We have six boys and have become experts on the whole puking and carpet thing. After baby #4 we wised up and went with Pergo -wall to wall - LOVE IT!
I have to stay far away from the math here because I hate it. I fought with a carpet cleaner this weekend, too! The Rug Doc did the rug fine for a while, but I'm starting to see the bigger spots come back through. DAMMIT, DOC! Also, mu hubs is a slut for the dry cleaner. And he works in a manufacturing plant! What the hell is that about? I'm all, "Dude, I can iron the fucking shirt for FREE!"
Have I mentioned that hubby runs his own carpet cleaning business? Hearing that you rented a rug doctor makes me die a little inside.
I always worry, like on the Seinfeld episode, that the dry cleaner is out and about, wearing my clothes....
I am one of those idiots who thinks she can get away with handwashing the things that I am too stupid to notice are "dryclean only" when I buy them...and I end up wrecking them. But, now, I have Dryel! But the clothes still feel dirty for some reason even though they smell nice. I am also the dumbo that always manages to fall in love with only the "dry clean only" outfits when I go shopping. It sucks. I have many things I have only worn once because I am too lazy/cheap to go to the drycleaners.
Oh boy, that sounds lovely. My boy puked in my truck..projectile. It makes me shudder to this day, I can remember it like it happened yesterday.
His car seat was so rank. I think I might go vomit now.
welcome to the world of dry cleaning. don't forget to actually pick up your clothes which is what I do all the time.
Tess....I have a suggestion for you. As I mentioned in Erin's blog, Mitsy (our pug dog) has a thing for eating her own shit and then puking it back up a few hours later. You talk about DISGUSTING, mix the two MOST DISGUSTING THINGS you can think of (stomach vile and shit) and have to clean that UP! Mitsy also is just a regular puker (at least a couple of times a week).
Anyhow.....we purchased a Bissell Steam Cleaner. They are relatively cheap and work wonders on both removeing the stain and the SMELL! Plus, they are vacuum cleaner size and can fit right into the closet. Just an idea.....
We totally own our own carpet cleaner. With two Very Large Dogs and one Very Small Child, it seemed like a good investment in our sanity.
I'm also a big fan of the Oxy Clean. It's gotten every stain up that I've ever used it on. Even hair dye.
Couple things here:
1. you're funny, but you knew that.
2. more evidence that carpet is more nuisance than anything and I will never own a house with the stupid stuff again.
3. i guess that's it.
4. good day to you.
Couple things here:
1. you're funny, but you knew that.
2. more evidence that carpet is more nuisance than anything and I will never own a house with the stupid stuff again.
3. i guess that's it.
4. good day to you.
The first time toddler-aged Rob did some serious puking, Paul panicked. The barfing started in the tiled kitchen, and Paul somehow carried a still-barfing Rob through EVERY CARPETED ROOM IN THE APARTMENT. Light grey carpet. Chocolate pudding barf. RENTED APARTMENT.
I cleaned it with Resolve carpet cleaner, then spritzed Febreze LIBERALLY (read: We could not walk on the carpet without squishing), and it was okay.
OK, so this is completely unrelated... But one of our local sporting goods stores is going out of business. I met someone yesterday who got a great deal on Green Bay Packer carpeting. His wife is going out of town on business next week, and he is having it installed in their living room while she is gone. Seriously, what kind of person actually does that????
Seriously.....my husband would be living in the house ON HIS OWN if i came home to carpet like that.
Post a Comment