- Tessie Mylastname
- Tessie Mymaidenname
- Tessie Mylastname/Mymaidenname, previous 3 titles held over the last 5 years
- Ms. Chanandler Bong
"Ok, everyone, let's form two lines, Women to my left and Professionals to my right!"
I mean, it seems to me that if you suck as a manager, you suck as a manager. "Man, I need skills, but which ones should I learn? The "regular" skills, or the "women's" skills???"
If there ARE, in fact, Management Skills for Women, here are the seminars I propose:
- Red lipstick at work, or in life for that matter: How to decide whether to do it (Hint: No)
- Pantyhose with open-toed shoes: For the love of god, at least cut out the toe
- How to answer dickhead questions like "Are you coming back from maternity leave?" and "What does your father do?"
- The Greatest Female Ever (tm Jonniker) and how to avoid her
- Appropriate handshaking--Act like you've got a pair
- "Putting your face on" at your desk: Time management skills for applying makeup before you leave the house
If I get a wild hair and decide to go to one of these this year, I'll be sure to report back on the elusive "women's skills".
P.S. - This probably seems like one of those inadvisable work-related entries, but sadly everyone I work with (at this job) is pretty much awesome and provides almost no snarky blog material. Sigh. Oh, well.
10 comments:
I used to get these kinds of things when I did higher ed fund raising... At the time, (I was young and STOOPID) I thought I sure could use something like this. Now I am like WTF?! As you said, either you are a good manager (and, hopefully this makes you a good PERSON - man or woman) or you are bad on both fronts.
How about" 'How to get away with wearing that shirt with the snotty slime your child left on your right shoulder this morning due to the meltdown over having to eat a frozen waffle versus Daddy's homemade bb pancakes..."
Lots of laughing, starting with the word "whiff," continuing on past "Chanandler Bong" and "Hint: no."
Oh, and I went to a "Women's Assertiveness" seminar in college, and not only did I then get HEAPS of female-psyche-oriented literature in the mail for YEARS afterwards, but I have never forgotten the way the stupid, cheesy motivational speaker kept telling us what "we women" were like (mostly "we women" are "too nice").
WTOW-I always, and I mean ALWAYS, have something on my clothes. I have a fleece jacket that I wear at work a lot that has a PERMANENT baby puke stain on the shoulder.
Oh goodness, I just spit water on my screen after the Chanandler Bong reference. That was greatness.
I hate all that CPE mail more than anything in the world. And of course, we get 2 of everything at our house. grrrrr
Love your seminar ideas, especially the pantyhose one.
Ms. Chanadaler Bong gets all that CPE crap here too. Home and office.
And I get AICPA crap and AICB (certified bookkeepers. the hell?) I think for good measure the EA folks send crap my way.
And don't forget the Dale Carnegie and Notary public crap.
I am in total agreement about your seminar on Appropriate handshaking--Act like you've got a pair.
I don't know why it bugs me so much, but when people don't know how to give a decent handshake it just annoys the crap out of me.
Ha ha! I have a few candidates for your seminars. You could also add "How to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip." Most people just tell me to go to hell and they're just not nice about it.
Whatever you do, don't hire a temp from an agency. I did that in my job once many, many years ago (for a one week stint) and the sharks have followed me with junk mail, planning calendars and updates to who my new representative is ever since! Oh... and I'm not even in the same job/department anymore!
Chanandler Bong - love it!
I agree, it is a beating of the highest order! Maybe we should start our own series of seminars, I think that you get double hours for teaching!
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