So, this morning I was reading -R-'s post, and even after switching to a boring work task I find I am STILL PISSED about the topic(s), which is a sign that I should just do my OWN post and RELEASE THE HATE already.
If you haven't read the post, one of the things -R- talks about is going to lunch with a friend, and finding out later that the friend had discussed how much -R- ate with another person. They thought it was "funny" that she ate "so much" (She DIDN'T)(NOT THAT IT MATTERS).
Oh, man. Ohmanohmanohman. This topic. You do not want...me...to...start...and yet...
IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE TO COMMENT ON HOW MUCH ANYONE EATS OR DOES NOT EAT. TO THAT PERSON, OR ANYONE ELSE.
Ever. Ever, ever, never, do not do it, FULL STOP, over and out, World Without End, AMEN.
This is big with me. It's not like I've had some kind of traumatic experience or anything (although I AM a hearty eater, and people DO love to comment on it), but I certainly know people who have. This is one reason why I have A Policy that I do not talk about weight, mine or anyone else's, or comment on what people eat or don't eat, or even RESPOND to those kind of comments when someone ELSE makes them. You never know how a weight or food-related comment will affect someone, be it your child, spouse, friend, coworker, WHATEVER. I don't care HOW well you know the person. Your "intent" does not matter.
The size of the person you are talking to/about ALSO does not matter. I have known just as many thin people with unhealthy food/body obsessions as overweight people. IF NOT MORE. You should not assume that it's okay to make fun of how much I eat, since I am not overweight. You should not assume that it's okay to comment on my weight, since I am not overweight. It's not.
Like I told -R- in my comment on her post, I usually find that the people who cannot resist commenting on what people eat are the ones with the food issues. Sort of like how many people in the nutrition field have food issues (They DO! Don't get me started on THIS either!).
Anyway. If you want to "be the change you want to see in the world" and all that happy Gandhi bullshit, then I am BEGGING you. STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS SHIT. At best, it's not appropriate, and at WORST, you might be really hurting someone who JUST WANTS TO ENJOY HER GODDAMNED PANCAKES WITHOUT COMMENT, for the love of christ.
*PANT PANT PANT*
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
55 comments:
Thank you!!!
I am not someone who has ever had food issues or eating issues or whatever, but my friend's comment is still seriously pissing me off! I am guessing she thought it was ok since she probably weighs 50 pounds more than me, but THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT OK TO CALL ME A PIG! (Ok, I know she did not call me a pig, but that's what it felt like.)
xoxo,
-R-
I agree with you - Let her eat her pancakes and be quiet about it!!!
As a side note, it always interests me when a post really touches someone's nerves. It's happened to me, and it's been caused by me. You never know what topic people will get passionate about. :)
3carnations-You really DON'T! I find that SO INTERESTING TOO. I should do a post about that. I would love to hear about posts that touched a nerve with you guys.
Dude. I also hate it when people talk about how much food you eat. Who cares? Maybe -R- is a big breakfast eater and then has tiny lunches and dinners. WHO CARES?
I'd much rather finish my entire plate than be one of those people who push their food around, claim they're not hungry, and then eyeball every path your fork makes to your mouth.
I am now racking my brain trying to remember if I said anything about dinner last weekend.... I know I said it was super cool that you asked for ranch. That's ok, right?
That post was choc full of stuff that pissed me off. Poor -R-. Poor -R-'s friend with the pregnant lady.
And yeah, I'm thin, and people comment on my eating habits constantly. Primarily that I am mindful of my eating and WHY, YOU ARE THIN? WHY DO YOU WATCH WHAT YOU EAT?
THIS IS WHY I AM THIN people. So many people love to assume that I am thin because I am mentally fucked up and they are superior because they can enjoy an entire pizza and I would feel guilty about it.
AMEN.
This is actually a pretty amazing topic. I was chided my whole life, when I was super skin and bones about never finishing what was on my plate. I made it a habit to take smaller portions and finsish so that people would STFU.
Cut to 20 years later when I am definitley not skin and bones and people still comment if I don't clean my plate--and ask if I am dieting!! For the love of God can people just mind their own plate.
And on a side note, nobody should comment if a pregnant gal spreads butter on her strawberry and whipped cream covered french toast at IHOP either. I'm just sayin...
And I love this post--you are the greatest.
That's messed up. Who goes out for breakfast with a friend and even notices how much the friend ate/didn't eat? You're bang on when you say that the friend has the food issue.
Related to this, I absolutely HATED all the comments I would get about food when I was pregnant. People felt justified in commenting about anything that passed mt lips: Is that decaf? Eating for two? That must be a craving! Hardy-har-har. You people are all so original.
Whew. I'm done now.
Erica! I know!
I struggle writing about this stuff, and about my Weight Policy, because I DO like to talk about food, and cooking, and recipes, and stuff (like RANCH DRESSING). Just not as it relates to weight, and calorie count, and how much/little people eat, and BLAH.
It must SEEM confusing to people, but to me it's not.
Anyway! You can tell me how it's awesome that I love Ranch with my fries, BECAUSE IT IS.
True story: Years ago I was working at a bake sale for my kids' school. Another mom came over to the table and selected two donuts for purchase. I offered to get her a bag and she said, "Oh, no thanks, I'm going to eat them now," and she grabbed a napkin. She totally owned that she was going to eat those doughnuts and did not care who knew it. I have never forgotten it (obv) or that she was totally comfortable in her size. I envy that.
Weight is still discriminated against and I do NOT understand why people feel it is their JOB to comment on it. To that I offer a resounding STFU.
Also, nutritionists have food issues? Nooooooooo! Say it isn't so!
Tessie, I love you. And also? Nobody ever really says anything to me about what I'm eating. Maybe it's because I AM overweight and they are hypersensitive about it? Although sometimes people comment on my self-restraint if I order a salad at a restaurant or something. But only people who know that I'm on Weight Watchers.
But yeah. Major Danger Zone. Bad idea.
My best friend is a registered dietician. And she has the BIGGEST food issues EVER.
She worked in a clinical setting, and thank GOD for that, because she wanted to do weight loss counseling.
She had such contempt for people who are overweight, that whole scenario would have been a disaster.
[a disater, much like my grammar,or is it syntax? in this comment. SEE? I'm so fucked up I don't even know if it's grammar or syntax. Maybe it's my spppellling]
What about if you want to root her on for eating her pancakes? Can you do that? I am seriously jonesing for some pancakes I saw on taste spotting... Lemon Ricotta HEAVEN!
Ugh, don't get me started! At work I ALWAYS bring my lunch and it is 9/10 something 'healthy' but because I'm fat EVERYONE feels the need to comment, "Oh, you're eating healthy today".
No, this is how I eat all the time you douchebag. I'm sorry I don't fit your fucking stereotype of gorging on fast food all the time.
I totally agree with your rant Tessie. As I noted on -r-'s blog, I used to work with a woman who would comment on the fat and/or calories in everyone's food and it made me really hostile. I don't give a damn what other people are eating and I have no idea why others would care about what I'm eating -unless it's a friend asking me 1. if they can try some of what I'm having or 2. if I'm going to finish what I'm eating because if not, they're going to finish it for me.
Aaaaaaand this is precisely why I REFUSE to eat in front of people.
As in, not even a little bit. I don't do potlucks, parties, or even restaurants with anyone unless I know them REALLY well.
It took me 3 weeks of dating before I would eat in front of the Husband.
After 6 years of friendship (and CLOSE friendship) I still get fidgety eating in front of Whimsy.
I get nervous tummy eating in front of my FAMILY sometimes!
Also, I think we all might be nicer people if we ate more pancakes.
I read her post and I am not sure what I was more offended by the comment on how much she ate then being laughed at for it (AND she did not even eat that much...) OR the shower story. Both are bizarre things. Who does such things?
I have had issues with eating my whole life (well until I got pregnant and had a baby or two and then seriously who the hell has time for it?!) The worst time for me was when my FRIENDS all told me I was too thin and how sickly I looked for being so thin when they were all fairly lean girls themselves. AND get this, it was near my wedding & on my wedding day. I did not diet to lose weight - I actually was taking some medicine for an "issue" (dammit for athlete's foot I had for like 12 years...) and the medicine made me really sick but it got rid of the Athlete's Foot forever! The being sick all the time while on the medicine helped with the ah weight lose but also come it it was my wedding - I look back and I looked REALLY good (my arms were cut for the first time in my life people!!!)
It was like they were more obsessed with my weight then I ever could have been and I was like GAH leave the F*** alone already. I have since bulked up much to their satisfaction which makes me feel annoyed even to this day.
True Story No. 2: I was reminded of this from your other commenters mentioning (hateful) people who remark on calories/fat etc. Where I used to work there were these women who did that food commenting ALL THE DAMN TIME. "Oh, you're having a salad? Is that FAT FREE DRESSING?" "A cheeseburger? I could NEVER eat a cheeseburger for lunch, the CALORIES, no I'll have my fat-free yoghurt. Le sigh." Et Fucking Cetera. The entire staff referred to these three as The Food Police. They were roundly hated. Heh.
I love you.
I was skinny as a kid and I used to eat a TON. And everyone used to comment on it. I thought it was funny until I was in my teens, and then I felt so self conscious about it.
I so agree with you. I DO think that people think it's okay to poke fun at a skinny eater. Or to make comments like, 'I can't believe you can eat that...I gain weight just LOOKING at it. Blahblaholajboaibla.'
I ALSO agree that those people who can't stop talking about it are the ones with the *biggest* issues.
For real.
ps. the PANT PANT PANT at the end made me laugh out loud.
All i can say is.....you make me laugh.
I'm sure i've commented on the fact that you enjoy your food yet are so little, but its only because I'M ENVIOUS!!!
p.s. sorry if i've offended... :-(
Just to be clear, none of YOU have offended me! (Recently)(KIDDING)
I completely agree. I try to watch what I eat (although I'm a lot more laid back about it than I was before having kids), and for some reason people always feel the need to comment on the fact that I refused a donut or whatever. Why? How is this anyone's business but mine? I don't understand why some people feel so entitled to voice their opinions on EVERY ASPECT of other people's lives. So you think I'm too skinny? That's fine, but keep it to yourself please. You don't know what kind of eating issues I may have had in the past.
Hmm. Looks like this particular subject may have touched a nerve with me as well...anyway, great post!
People look at OTHER PEOPLE'S PLATES?! I'm usually too obsessed with what's on mine to care about someone else's, unless it's to say, "Hey, look over there," while I swipe some of whatever they're having. :)
Also, now I'm making pancakes for dinner tonight. My kids will be thrilled.
Could you PLEASE come over here and kick some peoples' asses for me? I am not normally one to avoid confrontation, but this issue has just not seemed like a battle I want to fight and possibly lose friends over. BUT, BUT, BUT, if one friend in particular stages one more GD intervention (about me being anorxeic WHICH I AM NOT!) or makes any more snide comments about my eating or not eating Im going to call you to come over here and kick her ass eight ways to Sunday. Appetites, metabolism, frame size and all that shit is at least partly determined by your freaking DNA.
AAAARGHHHH! I was goign to go read -R-'s post, but now Im afarid Im too worked up already...
OH, AND I almost forgot the best part....was shopping with same friend and she started making comments to complete strangers in the dressing room abot how they were too thin. Not in a nice way. So wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Pretended I didnt know her!
AMEN! That's about all I can say...
haaaaa. oh, i love you. and i love all your readers. these comments are FANTASTIC. i agree with EVERYONE. i used to be waaaaaay skinny growing up but ate like a horse, but GOD FORBID i order a freaking salad in front of people or i'd get the Pity Eyes, all "honey, you can eat a real meal!" and then i would get the Rage.
Sweet Jesus this shit is cruel, cruel, cruel.
Thanks for posting about this.
I have a friend that comments on what I eat too. I let it slide because she overweight and is uber-obsessed trying to lose, but it doesn't make it feel any better. I also know that people have been SUPER negative toward her and her eating (which has probably helped put her in this predicament)... It's pretty much bullshit that food consumption should be a focus of verbiage at all between "friends". So I shout out an "Amen" for your post.
YES!! I used to live with a girl who would walk into our kitchen and say "Ugh, do you know how many calories are in that?" Kinda made me want to sneak pats of butter into her soup when she wasn't looking.
Good for you for sticking up for R. Some people are So rude.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Also, do you know what I hate? That people feel totally free to comment on how skinny someone is. Like that's not as offensive as talking about how fat someone is? Judgmental comments about someone's body are simply tacky. Whether you think you're being complimentary or not. Anything past "You look nice," or "I love that outfit" is too much.
Unless I know you very, very well. Then I'll probably tell you your ass looks great in those jeans or that sweater really shows off your smokin' rack.
Although I do not wear a size 14 underpant, I still cringe at the thought of getting a larger size. Skinny or fat or slightly plump...one never knows if someone is anorexic or bulemic. While they may be "eating large" and going for the purge later...who the hell's biz-ness is it anyway. I agree with you (GAH) I'm going to eat what I want when I want, and forgive me Jenny Craig, get off my ass! By the way, who is "R". Let's talk about the crazy way that people use "finger quotes". AHHH make me stop.
Discuss.
Although I do not wear a size 14 underpant, I still cringe at the thought of getting a larger size. Skinny or fat or slightly plump...one never knows if someone is anorexic or bulemic. While they may be "eating large" and going for the purge later...who the hell's biz-ness is it anyway. I agree with you (GAH) I'm going to eat what I want when I want, and forgive me Jenny Craig, get off my ass! By the way, who is "R". Let's talk about the crazy way that people use "finger quotes". AHHH make me stop.
Discuss.
Delurking here. As a dietitian who has worked in eating disorders and once upon a time struggled with my own eating issues, all I can say is yes, yes, and yes, to your post. To all of it. Seeing opinions like yours put out there for the world to see makes me happy and hopeful.
Also - you wouldn't believe how obsessed people can be with what a dietitian eats, not to mention that a dietitian's body is viewed as something that can be commented on at any time.
1) I totally agree with you.
2) The post you did about how your mom never talked about weight has actually changed my life.
3) And my mom and I have had numerous conversations about it.
4) Can we also talk about how much I hate it when people use the word "funny" when what they mean is "infuriating" or "disgusting" or some other negative thing? I had a boss who used to say things like, "Oh, you're so FUNNY the way you won't..." followed by a fake laugh. And I had a roommate who would say "hurt" when she meant "pissed": "I was so hurt when you didn't clean the shower." YYRRRRRGG!!!!
Hi, first post here. Just wanted to let you know that I read about a years worth of your blogs today (I work FOR accountants at a big 4 (DT)) and all of my bosses are in Detroit.
First you make me laugh so much, I love your F bombs. I was actually shocked to learn you were from Minnesota and not NY or NJ lol.
Second, I will ALWAYS side with you instead of BR because he is a Red Sux fan and I am a Yankmee fan.
Third, this post was awesome. Incredible in fact. My mother is one of THOSE, which I dont understand. When I was a size 0 I was too skinny, when I am a size 8 she makes fun of my ass, calling me a bubble butt, meanwhile asking me do you really need to eat that? Oh you mean the food you provided? When I was skinny she used to ask why dont I have another plate. At 39 I am about done and tell her off regularly for talking about my 6 YO nieces weight.
Thing is, is that she is a nervous tummy person as am I, and she doesnt dare say this shit to my sisters who are definitely NOT nervous tummy people and have NEVER experienced panic attacks.
I agree with everyone about the ridiculous shower too. She is having a baby of the same sex. What the fuck?
Oh, for the record, I live NEAR my mother, not with her.
So for the most part I very heartily enjoy my beer and burgers.
The previous post you wrote about your policy regarding not discussing weight has really stuck with me. I have had moderate weight issues for a long time and I really worry about passing that to my daughter.
One of the reasons I stopped eating in the teachers' lounge when I taught was that I was so tired of hearing about calories and having my meal scrutinized.
I whole-heartedly agree that you never know what person is going through and it is absolutely inappropriate to comment on how much/what someone else eats.
Ugh, my pet peeve is waiters who clear my (finished) plate and then say something like "Wow, I guess you really didn't like the meal, huh?". So annoying and it always makes me feel slightly self-conscious about how much I ate.
There's a lovely woman who has a craft/design/sewing blog and she's amazingly talented and extremely nice. Also very, very slender. Because she has a lung disease. She can't gain weight, although she'd love to. So what do her readers write in to ask her? Not--how did you design that [xyz] or what kind of fabric is in the drapes/dress/duvet, etc. but "OMG How do you stay so skinny?" And being so nice, she doesn't say "Because I'm SICK, you fuckers." You look wonderful in that dress is great, but ohhhh, I wish I weighed 90 pounds like you do is not acceptable because you never know.
I'm with ya. What i never understood is how people felt the need to comment on what I was eating when I was pregnant. I was pregnant for pete's sake. One day I bought a five dollar pizza at Little Caesar's. I didn't eat the whole thing, but you can't just buy a slice at that place. It was five dollars!!!! I kept the rest for dinner. Man, did people talk about that. How freakin' rude?
PS: a man on staff did the exact same thing and nobody said a word.
Bravo, well said!
Ditto on the love for your post about your Weight Policy. It's totally changed my life, and I am trying REALLY HARD to embrace the same policy.
Also: amen, amen, amen.
The world needs more pancake eaters.
I have never had food issues, just a high metabolism, and I hate when people make comments on how much I eat. I eat A LOT, but I also run A LOT and therefore remain a size four. When people make comments about my eating, it makes me think, Maybe I shouldn't be eating this much? Whatever. I know what's best for my body and I know that in order to be healthy and continue running, I need to eat a lot. Bottom line.
hee hee.. great post!
http://nevermelts.blogspot.com/2008/05/touched-food-nerve.html
Gah. That kind of thing makes me mental. I've had enough of people around me commenting on their own food intake (seriously, I DON'T care - your dysfunction is exhausting) that I don't ever want to hear another word about what I'm eating. EVER. I kind of want to say, "Really? I had no IDEA I ate that much. I must have been sleep eating. Thanks for letting me know. And I'm glad I could provide you with conversation fodder. Because your life must be very, very small." Fuckers.
YOUR DYSFUNCTION IS EXHAUSTING! Ahahaha!
Love it. Totally the Phrase of the Day.
Great post and comments. I totally agree with your policy. I ranted myself about some other issues today. Man, that felt good.
I am no genius or anything, but here's what the last few years have taught me. (btw--I coulda used this info about 20 or so years ago, thanks heaps time and space! Way to take your time!)ok-ready?
I've been treating my body like a total asshole the better part of my whole life. I am 30 now with 3 kids and a husband who can see all of the awesome in me that I have yet to find myself. If I were to drop dead tomorrow, they wouldn't know or care what size my jeans were. I wouldn't spend my last minutes complaining about the skinny bitch in a size 2 that eats a whole pizza in a sitting. It's really just a stupid waste of my time. I try to eat well and run as much as I can, (with three freakin kids! And no sitter! For the love of gawd!)and thanks to your post about the policy, I will now keep my yap shut on all things food/body related. There are plenty of other ways for me to give my kids the gift of disfunction.
OMG. This was perfect. I think I love you.
Post a Comment