*The deli at my workplace labels its dressing "low-fat ranch" and "real ranch". I agree, Workplace Deli. I agree.
*My mom has a friend who used to own a diner. He was a real jokester and used to put up fake menu items (like "liver hotdish") on the specials board. When someone would order one of the joke items, he would call out from the kitchen, "sorry, we just flushed the last of it!". The ice cream flavors were listed on the menu as "chocolate, vanilla, white, and plain".
*He also used to address mail to my mom with "Brenda Herlastname, House on the Hill, Our City, MN". It always got to her too. Small towns. Gotta love 'em.
*My high school boyfriend once rollerbladed over 10 miles from a neighboring town to come visit me. It wasn't as dangerous as it sounds.
*The county where my parents grew up doesn't contain a single stoplight. In the ENTIRE COUNTY.
*We do have ONE stoplight in the town where I grew up. Big time!
*I only talk to my mom about once a week (SORRY MOM!)
*I talk to my dad even less often (SORRY DAD!)
*I love V8. I could drink it every day.
*I have an unfortunate habit of calling people "jokers" and "clowns" at work. As in, "Bob is late for our conference call. Where is that clown?". I picked this up from one of my seniors when I worked in public accounting. He called EVERYONE at the client either "joker" or "clown". You think you hate your auditors? Well, THEY HATE YOU BACK. Also, they think they are better than you. They have to. Otherwise their lives aren't worth living.
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35 comments:
I agree with the Deli too!
I love Fun Fact Friday! And yes - good call, Workplace Deli.
The deli is RIGHT! Also true for CHEESE and MAYO. Well, anything really.
I love V8, too!
My mom once got a flower delivery addressed to Sue Herlastname, Pretty Red House on The Corner.
Um, when I lived in France, my host family's address actually WAS "House on the Hill." And a friend of mine's address was "In the Castle." Seriously.
I like you mom's friend's sense of humour! My brother had a friend who would address things to him as "Hisname's Garage and Charm School" and things like that... it always cracked me up.
I only talk to my parents about once a week. The number of calls increases in the first couple of weeks after a baby (them calling me), but then goes back to once a week.
I like V8 too, especially with a dash or two of tobasco!
in theory i talk to my parents once a week (The Official Weekend Call) but on weeks like this, where their grandcats are In Peril, i talk to them like EVERY DAY.
i HAAAAAAATE v8. i used to eat anything and everything growing up, but when my mom tried to force v8 on me it made me gag. she made me drink an entire glass, which took about 20 mins what with all the gagging. so mean.
Which flavor V8? I love spicy hot. Have you tried any of the V8 splashes? Nastiness.
My husband also refers to everyone (including our toddler) as "clowns" and I find it hilarious.
I HATE RANCH. SO MUCH. It's right up there with cheese.
I'm from a one stoplight town as well. And we could do the same thing with mail. Until I was in high school my mailing address was a rurual route. They eventually changed it to a Farm to Market address system. And the speed limit in front of my house? 60. Lots of dead cats. Which we had a ton of. To deal with the snakes of course.
good call workplace deli
I've started calling people "goose" everywhere I go (as in you silly goose). I'm sure the people I work with would prefer I called them clowns
I like ALL flavors of V8, but I don't really do fruit juice so I haven't tried the splashes.
I love FFF!
My town had a FLASHING RED!! OOH AHH! And then I moved back to NYC that had like 400 bajillion stoplights, not that they helped.
I once addressed mail to "The White House"- Their last name was White.
What would have been my graduating class had 42 students, and when I left 41. My graduating class in Brooklyn? 447.
And I have hated every single auditor EVER. EVER. Good to know the feeling is mutual.
I agree, real ranch!
My frind and I used to send eachother letters with made up names on them all the time. We would also write notes to the mail carrier on the outside of the envelopes.
I tend to call people bitches all the time. As in "HEY BITCHES!!" Or, "these bitches are really getting on my nerves." Mucho professional...
I like tomato juice or V8 and beer. Totally refreshing!
I once knew someone from a small town in Iowa that had a STOP sign on wheels. A local woman rolled it out a couple times during the day when the kids were walking home from school.
Wheels are one of the better inventions.
I also grew up in a town with one stoplight, but it had TWO traffic circles. Oooooh!
The town I grew up in didn't have a stoplight either, only stop signs. The neighboring town was technically smaller, but it had, get this, a caution light!
To some people, this was apparently a very big deal. Obviously, this neighboring town was much better than us.
I grew up in a city full of stoplights, unlike the rest of you jokers.
HAHA I slay myself!!
I love V8, especially if it is drunk (drank? drinken? whatevs) with a candy bar.
I know.
I only do spicy hot V8, and even that needs to be salted for me. V8 is never salty enough. I like it bloody mary salty.
Also, the diner thing reminds me of "Funny Farm" with the lamb fries. Anyone? Anyone?
H's hometown has a stoplight! It may be a blinking stoplight though, now that I think about it.
H also calls everyone clowns. Including his clients.
I only talk to my mom once a month.
Ooh! Totally unrelated auditor story. My first auditor (for magazine circulation) had me pull the wrong information (which had taken me DAYS), had to change into new clothes in the back seat of her car because she split her skirt in my office bending down to help me find the new info, and gave me an A+ within a few hours probably to make up for her mistakes and to get the hell out of there. I didn't hate her- I felt sorry for her! I found out what a REAL audit was the following year... That guy I totally hated.
One time, The Man and I went to a wedding in New England and the invite said it was being held at *The Little Gray Cottage in the Woods.* And it wasn't so much 'small town charm' as it was erm, a leetle pretentious.
It drove The Man AROUND THE BEND. Every once in a while, when the subject comes up, he still mutters about it out of the corner of his mouth.
We used to send mail to my grandma in North Dakota to:
Grandma Herlastname
Garrison, ND
No zip, street, nothing. And she always got it!
We had two stoplights in my hometown, but they were SYNCHRONIZED so you never had to stop at both.
Have a great weekend!
Lamb fries. HAHA! I love SO MANY things about Funny Farm. It's embarassing. Especially that scene with the snake. WHY is that funny? I don't know. BUT IT IS.
Also, comment from Jonniker! OMG OMG! Best day of my LIFE!
Whatever, you people with your Real Ranch. Some of us aren't skinny lunch-worker-outers and need our lower fat wherever we can get it! :) Granted, it does not TASTE like Real Ranch. Sigh.
Also, we here at my workplace call people "clowns" all the time, meaning, "stupid people." Even more derogatory is the Office-Space-invented term "ass-clown," as in, "that no-talent ass-clown Michael Bolton!" Hee.
My boss always calls the management team here his 'crack staff' - that makes me want to crack him upside the f'ing head!
I love V8, but, only if mixed with VODKA!
Yes. "Real ranch" is correct. The low-fat stuff doesn't taste like ranch.
I always want V-8 during my first few weeks of pregnancy. I go through, like, four of the big bottles of it, and then don't drink it until the next time I'm pregnant.
Oh, also! I once got a letter addressed to me at "I don't know what street she lives on," and it got to me. I got another one addressed to me with (1) my maiden name and (2) my parent's street number and (3) a street name that does not exist in our town, and IT STILL GOT TO ME.
1. Our town has 4 stop lights. We used to have only 3, but then Super Walgagmart came to town, and we got a 4th.
2. I didn't think that rollerblading 10 miles from a neighboring town sounded dangerous at all, until you said that... GAH. I'm morphing into a small town girl!
3. I agree that vanilla ice cream should be called PLAIN. And then I pour some chocolate on that shit.
My dad calls Coca Cola Classic "FAT COKE".
My mom is a Weight Watchers life-er and he also refers to fattening things as "WEIGHT WATCHER APPROVED". He DEFINES the word jokester.
Until I was in my mid-teens, I thought the word Paradigm was pronounced PARA-DIG-EM.
I LOVE MY DAD!!
I dont know what I like less: fake ranch or V-8:)
I knew that that you auditor types secretly hated us.
My town got its first stop light when I was in high school (there wasn't a ribbon cutting or light lighting or anything, but EVERYONE talked about it). The town now has three stop lights, and don't even get me started about the fact that it now has a Dunkin Donuts (heading to hell in a handbasket, that town is!)
And I call everyone "dumbass"... but usually just in my head.
Jim always refers to people as jokers and clowns too. And it is definitely a contagious habit, as I do it too, now.
My home town was very smallish, too. When they got a McDonald's it was front page news. Speaking of the newspaper, it read as if written/edited by the junior high school staff. They would print photos of the newborn babies with their entire bios with them. Like a 2 day old baby had enough living worthy of a bio! Also, the weddings had 5 column writeups that included minutia such as detailed descriptions of the brides' and attendants' gowns, who commandeered the guest book, etc etc.
I call everyone "fuckface". Some, not to their face though.
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