I can't think of one thing on my available list of options that I actually feel like doing (what's that you say? Sometimes grown-ups have to do things they don't feel like doing? Oh, shut up, Mr. Rogers. I'm calling in squirrelly). Return vaguely passive-aggressive work email? No. Nervous tummy. Work on boring month-end TPS Reports? No. Bored tummy. Drink dregs of cold Starbucks coffee? No. Pissed off tummy. Google Reader? No New Posts. Sad tummy.
Well, here are a few stale tidbits for you, anyway:
BR calls diapers "pampers". This makes me want to punch him in the face for several reasons. One, I HATE the word pamper. Ugg, Ack, Patooie! It reminds me not of spa vacations and pedicures, but of BUTTS. Two, he cannot even SAY the word right (he says PAMPAH), and therefore has no business using it to begin with. Three, I get that this is some kind of kleenex/i-pod/TiVo thing where the brand name has become synonymous with the product, but still. IT IS GHETTO AND ANNOYING AND I SHALL FLING MYSELF UPON MY SWORD IF I HEAR IT ONE MORE TIME.
An almost laughably tardy appearance of the famous "Never Crabby" shirt. You know what would have been funny? If I'd caught her somehow pissed off and screeching (haha, Never Crabby! Get it?) JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DID. Sigh. Instead she's happy as a little clam here. Lame. And stale.
I don't know about you, but when MY kid falls and bumps her head, I like to ease the pain with a couple of nice....pickles. WHAT? What do YOU do, Mother Theresa? This coping mechanism runs in the family as her mother may or may not also DRINK THE JUICE when she finishes a jar.
Speaking of pickles, I have an awesome snack recipe for you. You know, for when you're dangerously low on sodium following your first-place finish in some desert-based Ultramarathon.
Pickle Roll-ups
Take some whole pickles out of the jar and dry them off with a paper towel. Drink the pickle juice (optional). Spread a couple of pieces of deli roast beef or dried beef with cream cheese (I like the garlic/herb kind). Roll the pickles up in the beef (cream cheese side IN, please). Wrap and refrigerate for a couple of hours (or not) and then slice into pretty slices (or not) and eat (this part not optional).
Well, that was fun! Cross the one thing I DID feel like doing off the list! Remaining options: bleak.
22 comments:
Hmm could this be why?
http://mw1.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/squirrelly
Oh my God - pickle rollups! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I use ham on mine - yummy! (I now have to go buy some cream cheese tonight, thanks.)
Your daughter is seriously cute.
Goddamn it GODDAMN IT! Why didn't spellcheck offer that as an option? Those fuckers. Ok, I'm changing it.
Personally, I like that fact that squirrelly is really a real word.
I also like the fact that you give your child pickles. Mine just likes a plain old bag of ice or a frozen mug mostly because they are on his level.
I also feel the same way about getting stuff done today... which is why my post is a mile and a half long.
Oh and pampers would bother me too... OMG what is people started calling coffee, Starbucks?!?! She says screaming and running away!
Pickle Roll ups?
I have never heard of such a thing. Sounds like something you'd bring to go with your hotdish.
And my mother and grandmother call them Pampers too, which even though i actually used Pampers brand, ACH!! GRR! Annoys the everloving everloving out of me.
And even though it's a boston accent you're talking about, PAMPAH reminds me of my old boyfriend (from brooklyn) who pronounced "boxers" exactly like "boxes". Welcome to the East Coast, the land of no "r"
I actually think your picture of a happy child in a never crabby shirt is even MORE ironic and subversive than everyone else's angry child photos. The angry child photos are a bit more obvious, but yours is an extra layer of subtle.
1. I use the word squirrelly and so do many people I know so it never occurred to me to question it's "real wordness". at least we didn't totally pull this out of our a-holes.
2. our son likes an ice pack when he even remotely hurts anything BUT he never ever puts it where he is actually injurred. hit his head the other night and then reclined on the couch with an ice pack on his shin
3. I need more snack recipes! I now weigh less than I did when I found out I was pregnant because I can't keep anything down but that sounds like something I could enjoy. and I'm trying to get myself motivated to actually go to the grocery store. HELP!
1) love the crabby shirt. My own picture was laughable tardy as well, and even more lame because you couldn't actually SEE what the shirt said.
2) The pickle recipe you speak of is MY FAMILY'S. Thanks a lot for stealing it. And damnit, now I'm craving those stupid yet ultra delicious things.
3) My list of options is so bleak, I don't even have any blog ideas for today. Gaa.
4) My baby fell this morning and there was blood. Coming from her mouth. But no, she's not going to need plastic surgery, which was my first thought. Our post bump soultion? Sucking on cold wash clothes.
AD looks like she was caught doing something naughty to the Dogfather. Not crabby, but evilllle. Bwahaha!
PS - Did you tell BR that I even edited the P-word right out of my post for you? Come on, BR? Where's the love, bro?
I'm beginning to suspect that the pickle rollup is a MN thing based on my statistically irrelevant sample of P&D, Marie, and Type(little)a.
Bananafana-You are going to be SO sorry you asked about the recipe thing.
Erica-The Dogfather gives her a WIDE, WIDE, berth. Not sure why, because you could hit that dog upside the head with a baseball bat (NOT THAT I WOULD DO THAT!) and it wouldn't hurt him. He's solid as a rock. Also, I know BR lurks so we'll see if we can elicit a response.
I love those pickle rolls. I also love deep fried pickles, served with ranch. LOVE.
I like the word squirrelly, too. I also like "ornery" but am never sure if it's...okay? to use it.
Do you know what word I hate more than pampers? Panties. I HATE that word, especially since a million people pronounce it "pannies." I mean, "panty" is bad, but "panny?" SO GROSS.
Please tell me you've heard of Foamy and his squirrelly wrath:
http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html (Go down to the episode titled: Squirrel Songs II.)
Blacksheeped-I ADORE fried pickles, and also "ornery". It reminds me of Grumpy Old Men, which is one of my favorite movies
P&D-KICK.ASS.
"Squirrelly wrath is way overdue!"
"Keep your filthy nickels and just kill yourself when you get home!"
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Take me to the bagel shop. SO I can get a bagel, with cream cheeese, the cream cheese, creamy cheesy cheesy......
Pickles and Dimes - I am elated, just elated that you brought up Ill Will Press!! I've never met anyone else who liked these cartoons. I love these cartoons SO MUCH. Yes, indeedy, we should be friends.
My favorite cartoon is "Five More Minutes." So funny.
Power to Foamy and all his squirrelliness rage!
TLA-Hee hee. Also, you cannot have bagels. You are on a Health Kick. SUCKAH!
pickle rollups? yum! hungry... for salty-deliciousness.
Adorable child, btw. too too cute!
Artemisia,
I tried to get one of my old Livejournal icons to show up in the comments, but it didn't work. (Anyone know how I can do this, for future reference?)
It was of Foamy, with his fists all curled up and it was labeled: SQUIRRELLY WRATH.
Long live Foamy!
Oh, I wish I knew how to get your icon to work, but I will most definitely find out. Long live Foamy!!
I *heart* Pickles and Dimes!
I loved this whole post. It was like one delicious bite of pickle roll-up after another.
"Calling in squirrelly." "Shut up, Mr. Rogers." Various tummy states, especially "sad tummy." Wanting to punch your husband in the face for the "Pampahs" thing. The whole Never Crabby thing. Drinking the pickle juice (optional). "Remaining options: bleak."
Adorable baby girl, but I'm also loving and missing that classis Rottie lay down position. And the rottie on the lap. God, I can't wait to get our dog. But for some reason the breeder told us because we're getting a male this time we shouldn't let him on the couch until he's older. What's up with that?
Me Today-Well, I wouldn't know anything about that since BOTH of our dogs have been spending a good part of the day on the couch since they were puppies. Oops. In fact, we once set up a webcam to see what they did while we were at work, and Jager didn't get up from the couch ONCE (Sasha got up one time for water). IN NINE HOURS.
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